I'm insecure. Not about everything but just the physical and mental aspects of myself. I grew up people telling me that I could be pretty if I wasn't a big girl. I tried to make it work for me by joining physical activities where I can kick girls' ass (sometimes boys too). I used it for my advantage but it's not really something I'm proud of.

I was walking down the street on the way home last December. I came from running. I walked passed this group of teenage boys. I had my earphones on and they probably didn't think I could hear them. One of them said, "She has a pretty face but what a waste..."

There always instances like this. Or "You should lose 20 lbs. and then you'll be pretty!" And I can't not think about them. Things like that really stays with me. But I don't want to be a fucking walking stick. And I can't tell this to you because it's stupid and I'm sorry that we've been through this so many times but I can't help it.