I am my own worst enemy

Ever since I was a kid, I disappoint the people who are dearest to me. All these times, a small voice grew inside my head. Judging me, putting me down on every step I take. On everything I do.

My self-esteem has decreased tremendously. Because of this, I doubt myself a lot.
Including my love for Joy. No, my love for her didn't go away, nor faded. It's still there. And it is increasing. Slowly. But the voice inside my mind kept questioning me. Of my love for her. Of us in the long run.

During such times, I will be down and being deep in my thoughts. Withdraw from the world.
Then, I will stop my thoughts. Think of the times we had together. The good, the bad, the ugly, the funny everything. And I start thinking of us together in the future. Living together. Having a family. And I just know that she is the one I want. No matter who, only Joy fits with me perfectly.

This is something I have to deal with alone. I fear many things, but I fear myself the most. And I will challenge and fight it and make us work. She is the love of my life. Too soon to say and decide? Well, I have found the one. And I love her. Dearly.