Eleven Months

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"He loved her, of course, but better than that, he chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing."

I was reading our first messages to each other on Tumblr in Shanky's account and it was so heart warming and refreshing. We were so careful with our words and trying to impress each other (at least I did haha). Things escalated quickly. We grew fond of each other. I remember how much I enjoy talking to him. There was one day - I had no job yet - where we were talking around noon or a little after 12 and suddenly my internet connection failed. I started to panic. I thought, "Oh no! He might think I'm ignoring him!" and then manang asked me if I could go to the hospital with them to have Chelsea's check up. I came back around 3:30 pm or 4:00 pm. Luckily, the internet was already working when I got back and I apologised to him for not replying and we continued talking.

I remember very clearly what we were talking about that day. We had listed down our top 5 artists and we talked about Australia and what life would be like there. When I found out that he wanted to move to Australia too, I thought to myself, "wow. we could be neighbours." Little did I know that eleven months after that, I would want to live in the same house as him and not just a neighbor.

I also remember the first time we saw each other on video call. I was so damn shy when I saw him in his orange shirt, big hair, thick beard, and Jean on his lap. I'm not sure if I said hi but I ended the call quickly. I heard him say hi, I think. He looked so handsome. After the awkwardness, we started sharing our screens and watching movies. I believe the first movie we watched together was P.S. I Love You but we didn't finish it because I felt sleepy. This was also the first time we slept together. Honestly, it felt weird to have someone looking at you fall asleep.

Two months after, we were already deciding to meet. We were planning to see each other but one night, we had this realization that we weren't ready yet. Both of us were relieved to know that it was mutual and that we needed to wait a bit more before we meet in person. I think this played a big role in our relationship.

I don't know where I'm going with this post but just like the quote says, I'll choose him day in and day out. I acknowledge already that we are not as in love as we were before but it is clear that we both love each other dearly. I love him most ardently. They say it takes effort, energy, and patience to love another person and to choose to stay with them. I will always choose to love him over the feeling of being love because that feeling passes and what's left is the decision to stay with that person or lose them.