Home is Joy. Joy is Home.

I arrived back to Singapore early this morning at 1 am.
After my POP, I have a week off and took that chance to spend it with my Joy. No words can express how wonderful it was.

While going there, I had mixed feelings. I am excited to see her, yet I feel guilty. For leaving my family. They came to my POP and spent little time taking photos and having breakfast and when I reached home, I started packing and all and left around 1 pm. I don't how to explain. I feel bad. At the same time, my body ached a lot because of the 24 km march to the Floating Platform. I'm sure its more than 24 km.

We spent 5 nights in Hotel Durban, near her office. Just us. and the rest of the time left in her beautiful home with such wonderful people.

I feel so comfortable, so homely when we are together. And when we parted, it's just one of the worst feeling ever. I know we will meet again and we can still skype and all, but it ain't the same as being the same room, same house with her. In the distance of being with each other physically.

In the plane, I cried and cried and suddenly, I just stopped. I don't know if I cried till I feel numb or because I can't shed any more tears or the Army have taught me how to push certain thoughts into this tiny wooden chest, lock it up and bury deep in the back of your mind and open it up again when the time is right to open. I don't know which one. But, one thought ran in my mind. "I am leaving something behind. Something very important and dear to me. I am not suppose to be on this flight. I am not suppose to be on any flights. I am not going back home. I am leaving home. Tu me manques."

So many times, I felt like running back to Joy. Going back to her. I have 1,000 Pessos. I can take a cab back to BF homes and not leave her. I imagined running back and meeting her just in time before she drove off. Tear my passport and just leave with her. But I think again. That is not right. If it happened that way, how are we going to live happily together. I have no education certificate. And I am still serving my National Service. It is extremely painful to part with the ones you love. Especially when you feel that you are not complete without your partner. When the two of you are together, it's like you both are one person.

I kept telling myself that I will do what I must for us to be together. I mean, to live a happy and simple life. All this pain we are going through will eventually be paid off and the result is just unimaginable. We will have beautiful children and live together happily. And in the distance where we can visit her family from time to time. Cal and Chels teaching and playing with our kids. Kuya's kids playing with our kids. We would sitting at the table, having our meals with the adults and talking and laughing. Life would be so much beautiful with Joy.

I am missing you soo much, Joy. So very much. But I am never going to give up on us. Never. I love you with everything I have and more. And with you, I can do great things. 
I need you because I love you NOT I love you because I need you.